i think i have two assholes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
