Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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