im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
