Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
