plz talk dirty to me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
