Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
