Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize