I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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