dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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