I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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