The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
