My underwear smells like fireworks.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
