90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
