Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
