Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
