In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
