So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
