I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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