saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
