Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
