And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
