Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
