Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
