three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
