Umm I'm too high to move.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize