Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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