It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
