if you like me you must not know who I am
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
