I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
