after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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