my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and she was petting her beer can
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
