hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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