debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
