Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
