Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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