Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
