Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
