So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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