the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
