her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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