you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
