they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize