i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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