Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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