Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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