Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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