i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
