theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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