Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
