This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you had me at cake vodka
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
