I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
