my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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