how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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