I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
