i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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