its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
