I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
