he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
