as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize