if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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