he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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