the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
