my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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