My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
