They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
