How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
