So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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