I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
