so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
