can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
