It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I party with great urgency now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
