It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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