yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
