Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
