so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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