tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
