i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
