there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he thought i was a dude.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
