The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize