Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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