I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
