she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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