If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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