"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
